The Vacation Necessity
by SergeantFuzzyBoots
Summary: Leonard and Penny try to find some time alone together, while Howard mulls over what to do now that he has the house to himself, since his mother's on vacation.
1. The Comic Book Fandom Interruption

**Okay, so this is a fic with two storylines. One is about Leonard and Penny desperately trying to get some time alone and Howard attempting to take advantage of his mother's absence when she goes on vacation. Hopefully, you all enjoy it.**

"Magnesium. And there are no more elements that start with M because I believe that-

"Meitnerium should still be called Eka-iridium," Leonard finished for the theoretical physicist.

Sheldon nodded smugly. "Yes. So, I win."

"Congratulations," Leonard said sarcastically, making a left turn.

"Thank you. You know, I've been thinking we should organize a tournament for all of these driving games. A Driving Games Olympics of sorts..." Sheldon continued to ramble on about his new idea, while Leonard concentrated on the road.

On any other day, Leonard probably would have gotten slightly irritated with his roommate; however, today he was feeling pretty good. For the first times in weeks, he was driving home at five o'clock instead of barely making it back to the apartment by midnight-he'd be given one of the worst times slots to use the electron laser. Finally being able to get home at a decent hour was definitely brightening his spirits, and the fact that he now had much more time to spend with his girlfriend was also a large contributor to his good mood.

"So, you see," said Sheldon, coming to the conclusion of his speech. "By raising the stakes, we create an even more entertaining environment, causing the time to go by even faster!" He smiled proudly and nodded.

"I look forward to participating, Sheldon," said Leonard, pulling into the nearest parking space.

"As do I. See? I've got Goosebumps!" Sheldon showed Leonard his arm excitedly.

The experimental physicist couldn't help but grin.

Leonard knocked on Penny's door and a smile overtook his face when she answered.

"Hey," she said, grinning at him.

"Hey." He took her face in his hands and placed his lips on hers. Penny let out a moan of surprise and then moved her hands up to his chest as Leonard deepened the kiss.

They stayed like that for a few moments until Penny pulled back. "Looks like somebody missed me," she chuckled, touching his bottom lip with her index finger.

Leonard shrugged and grinned. "Just a little bit."

Penny grabbed Leonard's hand and pulled him into the apartment, shutting the door behind them. They collapsed onto the couch and Leonard wrapped his arms around her waist, while Penny slid her arms around his neck, grinning and making those eyes at him. That look always made Leonard's heart pound in his chest and his mouth go dry; no one had ever given him that look except Penny.

"I missed you, too," she said before putting her lips back on his. Unfortunately, the kissing didn't last long.

_Knock, knock, knock _"Leonard and Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock _"Leonard and Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock _"Leonard and Penny?"

Leonard sighed as Penny pulled away and got off the couch.

"I didn't miss that," she grumbled before opening the door.

Sheldon quickly strode into the apartment the moment the door opened, not even bothering to extend any greetings.

"Leonard, you have to drive me to the comic book store," he said urgently.

"Why?" Leonard asked, dreading the answer.

"While browsing a chat room dedicated to comic book fandom, I learned that Stuart has been writing falsities about Batman."

Leonard stared at his roommate incredulously. "So?"

"So, I intend to go down to the comic book store and confront him."

"Can't you just confront him over the Internet?" Leonard asked, willing Sheldon to agree to that.

The theoretical physicist shook his head. "Written words will never be enough."

Leonard let out a frustrated sigh. Why was it that every time he and Penny were alone, Sheldon always discovered a new problem that required his roommate's assistance?

"Look, Sheldon, Penny and I are kind of busy right now," he explained.

"Doing what?"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Sheldon, can't you just get to the comic book store some other way?"

Sheldon shook his head. "No, there's no other solution. You have to drive me."

Penny raised her hand. "I have a solution."

Sheldon turned and frowned at her. "Well, that seems unlikely."

Penny rolled her eyes and then motioned for the whackadoodle to follow her to the doorway. Leonard watched, intrigued.

"Okay, step out into the hallway," she instructed.

Sheldon obeyed, giving her a puzzled look.

Penny scrutinized him for a moment and then smiled. "Perfect." She then proceeded to shut and lock the door.

Leonard chuckled as he got to his feet and then wrapped his arms around Penny.

"I love you," he sighed, still smiling.

"Yeah, you do," she agreed, moving in to kiss him again.

_Knock, knock, knock _"Leonard and Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock _"Leonard and Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock _"Leonard and Penny?"

Leonard groaned, wishing he had a pair of noise cancelling headphones.

"He's going to keep doing that until you drive him, isn't he?" Penny sighed.

"What do you think?"

While Leonard desperately wanted to spend his newfound free time with his girlfriend, having Sheldon's knock as background music wasn't something that would make their time together more enjoyable. Besides, once he'd taken Sheldon to the comic book store and he and Stuart had argued for a while, then he could come back here and he and Penny could have their time alone without any interruptions. He hoped, anyways. There was no telling with his roommate.

**I'll start addressing Howard's storyline in the next chapter.**


	2. The Dark Alley Upset

**Thanks for all the reviews so far. Glad you're all enjoying it.**

Howard headed up the stairs towards 4A, listening to Sheldon and Raj argue about...well, he wasn't really listening, he was just aware that they were bickering. At least with Raj occupied, he wouldn't be able to confront Howard about not coming over to help make brownies.

"Hey, Howard?" Raj asked, suddenly abandoning his disagreement with Sheldon, much to the theoretical physicist's annoyance. "Where were you last night?"

_Damn!_

"I got caught up at home," he explained apologetically.

Raj rolled his eyes. "Great, I know what that means: I got caught up at home _with my girlfriend!_"

Howard stared at his best friend incredulously. He couldn't believe that after all this time, Raj was still jealous of Bernadette. True, he had had to cancel their plans sometimes, but that was besides the point!

"I wasn't with Bernadette!" he protested, holding his hands up. "I got stuck with my mother, learning about the wonders of her new coupon book."

Raj frowned and shoved his hands into his pockets, still unhappy. "Fine, but I hope you know that brownies don't taste half as good if you don't have friends to share them with. You think about that."

Howard raised an eyebrow at him, which Raj responded to with a very serious nod. Suddenly, the loveable foreigner perked up.

"So, do you wanna hang out tomorrow night?" he asked.

Howard rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and averted his eyes. "I can't...I, uh, have a date with Bernadette."

The grin vanished from Raj's face and a sulky expression took over. Howard sighed, as they reached 4A, not bothering to try and fix the problem. He'd make it up to him later.

"You know, I've always found coupon books to be very stressful objects," Sheldon commented, searching for his key in his pocket. "In order to use up all of the coupons in the span of one year, one would have to eat almost every meal at a restaurant, spend numerous nights in hotels, which would end up cancelling out the breakfasts and dinners that the hotel restaurants serve, and-"

"Sheldon!" Howard interrupted, the whackadoodle grating on his nerves.

"Yes?"

"No one cares."

Sheldon frowned as he put the key in the lock and opened the door. "Very well, but in a year's time, when you're in a state of distress because your mother is in uproar over a hardly used coupon book, then don't blame me."

Howard merely rolled his eyes and then followed Sheldon into the apartment. It was fairly dark, except for the light coming from the TV. Leonard and Penny were curled up in the middle of the couch under Leonard's blanket with sleeves.

"Wazzup, guys?" he said, collapsing onto the right side of the couch next to Penny. The couple greeted him with far less enthusiasm, almost looking irritated, although, Howard had no idea why. "Oh, awesome, the first Star Wars movie," he said upon noticing what was playing on the television.

"Technically, it's not the first Star Wars movie; it's the fourth one," Sheldon corrected him, putting his bag in his desk chair.

"I know that!" Howard snapped, always irritated by Sheldon's corrections. "God, would you just let some things go?"

"I let plenty of things go," he argued, making his way towards his spot. Upon reaching it, he looked at Leonard and Penny expectantly.

"What?" they asked in unison.

"You're partly in my spot," he explained.

They both rolled their eyes and then got up from the couch, moving towards the empty chairs with Penny taking the white armchair and Leonard taking the wooden one.

"Yeah, you let a whole mess of things go," Howard agreed sarcastically.

Sheldon nodded pleasantly, clearly not comprehending the sarcasm, and then sat down. Raj joined them on the couch, taking the middle seat and throwing on the blanket with sleeves. Penny looked like she was about to protest, but then she just shook her head and let out an irritated sigh.

"What's up with her?" Raj whispered in his ear.

Howard shrugged. "Probably PMS or something."

Penny glared daggers at him, crossing her arms.

"Definitely, PMS," he confirmed, nodding to Raj.

"Howard, knock it off," said Leonard sternly.

"Looks like you've both reached a sensitive point in your monthly cycle," he said smirking and earning a high-five from Raj. The teasing was all in good fun; Leonard and Penny knew that.

"Okay," said Penny, standing up. "Let's go." She grabbed Leonard's hand, pulling him to his feet, and then dragged him towards the door.

"Where are we going?" he asked, as his girlfriend pulled him into the hallway.

"I don't know. Wil Wheaton's house, a garbage dump, a dark alley filled with a bunch of thugs? At this point, pretty much anywhere's better than here!" With that Penny slammed the door and the two disappeared from view.

It was silent for a moment, but then Sheldon spoke up. "If she's categorizing those options from best to worst, then the order would be: Garbage dump, dark alley filled with a bunch of thugs, and _then_ Wil Wheaton's house. Though as to why anyone would go there of their own free will is baffling."

"Still don't care, Sheldon."

** Okay, so, I know that probably didn't seem like it moved Howard's storyline along; however, this chapter is very relevant. You'll find out why soon.**


	3. The Frustration Augmentation

**Okay, so I wanted to get this chapter up quickly, so I hope it's alright. Thanks to everyone who reviewed; it's very much appreciated.**

Penny climbed into Leonard's bed and snuggled up against her boyfriend, resting her head on his shoulder and draping her arm over his stomach. He responded by wrapping his arms around her and laying his head against hers. Penny sighed contentedly. She was finding more and more that this was the only time that she and Leonard could be alone without being interrupted, which was great; however, they were both asleep for the better portion of the night, so interaction was limited. They'd had a little time together today, though. After Penny had dragged Leonard out of the apartment, she'd ended up taking him to the park. It had been nice, but short-lived, as she had to work. There was always something, be it work or Sheldon or any of the guys, that was keeping them apart.

Penny raised her head slightly and gave Leonard a quick kiss. "Night, honey. Love you."

"Love you, too," he said, kissing her forehead.

Penny smiled and buried her head in his shoulder. Being so comfortable, it didn't take long for her to almost be asleep; however, it didn't take long before she was rudely awakened.

_Knock, knock, knock _"Leonard and Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock _"Leonard and Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock _"Leonard and Penny?"

Penny shot a vicious glance at the door and then reached over Leonard, trying to get at the contents under his bed.

"Penny, what are you doing?" Leonard asked groggily.

"Getting your lightsaber; I'm going to kill Sheldon!"

Leonard shook his head and then pulled Penny back. She rolled her eyes at him and then sank back down against his chest.

"What do you want, Sheldon?" Leonard called.

_Whatever it is, it'd better be good._

The theoretical physicist entered the room and then stopped abruptly, giving the couple a curious stare.

"What?" Penny asked.

"I'm sorry, but the positioning you've chosen cannot be sufficient for a good night's sleep," he explained, shaking his head. When the two stared at Sheldon incredulously, he continued, "Logic dictates that a good night's sleep can only be achieved by lying straight on one's back with equal room on both sides. The way you're sprawled across the bed cannot be comfortable.

"It's actually pretty comfortable," said Leonard, at the same time that Penny said, "I love how you haven't even gotten to your original point yet."

"Ah, yes, my reason for coming," said Sheldon, dismissing the bed atrocity. "I've just finished editing my morning schedule and I've come to inform you that Fridays are no longer English muffin days, but, whole grain toast days, so I suggest you prepare yourselves."

Penny stared at Sheldon for a moment and then said, "Get out."

Sheldon shook his head in annoyance. "The thanks I get for having the courtesy to inform others about schedule changes," he muttered, exiting the bedroom.

"God!" she groaned with frustration. "This is driving me crazy!"

"What is?" asked Leonard, sitting up to look at her.

"All of these constant interruptions! We never have any privacy!" Normally, she was able to let these things go, but tonight she had snapped. All she wanted was some time alone with her boyfriend; she didn't understand why she constantly had to battle to obtain that.

Leonard nodded, but didn't say anything. He just stared up at the ceiling, rubbing Penny's arm absentmindedly. Finally, he broke the silence. "Do you have to work this weekend?"

"No...why?" she asked, suddenly suspicious.

Leonard shrugged. "Just...well, we can just hang out then, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," she agreed, although she didn't see how that would fix the problem.

"Good." Leonard smiled at her and she couldn't help, but smile back. He took her face in his hands and gave her a quick kiss before wrapping his arms around her again.

Penny snuggled back into his chest, taking in his warmth. In Leonard's arms she felt a little better. And she didn't care what Sheldon said, sleeping like this was way more comfortable.


	4. The Cane Utilization

** I'm pretty sure I've been forgetting to write this at the beginning of chapters, but I don't own anything. Well, except, the old guy in this chapter, but he's not all that important. **

Leonard entered The Cheesecake Factory, an irremovable smile plastered on his face. He found Penny taking an elderly couple's order at a nearby table. He patiently waited by the doorway, buzzing with excitement as he pictured her reaction.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Penny asked, as she walked towards him.

Leonard grinned at her, taking her hands in his. "I have a surprise for you."

Penny cocked her head and raised an eyebrow, giving him a suspicious smile. "What is it?"

While he was eager to share his news with her, Leonard wanted to keep his girlfriend in suspense a little longer.

"Leonard, come on, just tell me!" she laughed, squeezing his hands.

"Wait, that old man's waving his cane at you; I think they want their drinks-"

"Leonard!"

Leonard chuckled as she glared at him playfully. "Okay, okay. I made us reservations at The Holiday Inn for Saturday night, and I didn't tell Sheldon, Howard, or Raj."

Penny's jaw dropped and she stared at him incredulously, giving Leonard the exact reaction he had hoped for. The excitement and anticipation sparkling in her eyes was enough to make him a thousand times happier. Plus, knowing that he was the reason for her being so cheerful was just wonderful.

"Are you serious?" she asked, a smile overtaking her face. He nodded. "You are the best boyfriend ever!" Leonard curled his arms around her waist as she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him.

"Just to let you know, I wasn't kidding about the old man; he looks really mad," he whispered.

Penny pulled away slightly and glanced over her shoulder. She raised an eyebrow when she saw the man waving his cane impatiently.

"Well, there go my chances of getting a decent tip, but I don't I care," she said, tapping his lower lip with her index finger. This small, affectionate action always made Leonard's heart rate increase.

Penny did a quick sweep of the area and then planted a firm kiss on his lips. She'd gotten in trouble with her manager before for kissing him, but she'd continued to do it anyways, explaining that it was fun to break the rules once and a while. Leonard had not objected.

The experimental physicist watched with amusement as Penny went to go face the elderly couple, almost unable to control his laughter when the old man accidentally knocked over most of the contents on the table with his cane. Penny turned around and stuck her tongue out at him, and then proceeded to begin cleaning up the table.

Leonard smiled to himself as he exited the restaurant. He was glad he'd made Penny happy; it was something he loved doing. Hopefully, he'd have many more opportunities to do so come Saturday night.

**Sorry, this chapter wasn't very long; hopefully, they'll lengthen as the story progresses. I'll be addressing Howard's storyline in the next chapter, so, don't worry, I haven't forgotten about him.**


	5. The Party Excitation

**Still don't own anything.**

Howard strode into apartment 4A, a huge smile on his face.

"Gentlemen," he said to the others. "The man you see before you is a new Howard Wolowitz."

The three guys stared at him curiously for a moment before Raj spoke up. "Does that mean you and Bernadette finally had sex?"

"Wha-no!" Howard protested, slightly annoyed that they were getting off track. "We had sex for the first time ages ago!"

"I know, but Penny always makes fun of you for that, and since I can't talk when she's around, I never get to join in," the astrophysicist replied, an impish grin on his face.

Howard rolled his eyes, ruing the day he'd asked Penny to help him get Bernadette back. Frack, she had the biggest mouth in California!

"If we may return to the original point," said Sheldon, his helpfulness surprising Howard. "Howard stated that we were seeing a new Howard Wolowitz, meaning that the real Howard Wolowitz is off somewhere else. Ergo, there are _two_ Howard's existing in this particular universe right now, which can only mean one thing: Howard has cloned himself!" The theoretical physicist nodded excitedly, his eyes gleaming.

"Nope," Howard replied, drawing out the word.

"Aww," Sheldon sighed, crestfallen.

After verifying that Leonard had no crazy theories to push his announcement back further, he continued, "Today, I am new man because, as of Saturday, I will no longer be constricted by the annoyances of living with one's mother."

"You're moving out?" Leonard asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What? No! Are you crazy?" Howard asked incredulously, the mere thought of trying that again frightening him. "My mother's staying in a hotel this weekend. She's on a big coupon high and is trying to use up as many as possible."

"So, what are you gonna do?" Raj asked.

Howard smiled and nodded to his best friend. "Oh, I think you know what I'm gonna do. Party at Casa di Wolowitz."

Raj got up from the couch and high fived him, grinning. "Dude, this is gonna be so badass!"

"I know, right? Bernadette's already agreed to help set up, so we are good to go!"

The smile immediately vanished from the loveable foreigner's face. "You invited Bernadette?"

"Uh, yeah, she's my girlfriend," said Howard, stating the obvious.

"So, you invited her first?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So, you didn't invite me first?"

"...Yeah, so?"

"Well, as your best friend I think I'm entitled to being the first invite."

Howard sighed inwardly as Raj continued his rant. He couldn't seem to do anything right when it came to his best bud. At least the party atmosphere would loosen him up come Saturday, and then he wouldn't be so uptight about everything. Thankfully, there was a knock at the door just as Raj was entering the yelling stage of his quarrel.

Leonard got up and answered it, smiling when he saw Penny standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Lovebug," he said, grinning mischievously.

Penny glared at him, but it wasn't very convincing, considering she could barely keep from smiling. "You know I don't like it when you do that."

Howard rolled his eyes in disbelief. As if. According to Bernadette, she _loved_ it when he called her that.

"True, but I'm not all that fond of "my little homunculus", and you still call me that," he pointed out, still grinning. Penny rolled her eyes playfully and then moved to step past the experimental physicist; however, Leonard caught her around the waist and pulled her against him. "Plus, I use that term of endearment with the utmost love and affection, so you can't not like it."

Penny giggled as he began kissing her cheek. "Ugh, you make it impossible to hate anything you do."

Leonard nodded. "It's part of what makes me so delightful."

"Oh, shut up, you little homunculus," she said, shaking her head at him playfully and then kissing him. Leonard eagerly reciprocated.

Being the romantic that he was, Howard was usually quite eager to observe this sort of PDA; however, with his party to plan he had no time to worry about that kind of stuff. He cleared his throat in an attempt to break up the couple, but in vain.

"Stop!" he said, raising his voice slightly when clearing his throat for a third time didn't work.

The two reluctantly pulled apart.

"What?" Penny sighed, sounding slightly irritated.

"I'm having a party this Saturday," he explained. "You guys are gonna be there, right?"

Penny and Leonard looked at each other and then back at him.

"Sorry, Howard, I can't make it; I have an audition this Saturday," Penny explained apologetically.

"At night?" he asked, incredulously.

"Um...yup. It's...it's for a horror movie, so...the audition being at night...it-it gets you more in character. Uh huh."

Howard raised an eyebrow at Penny and then turned to her boyfriend. "Well, you'll be there, right, Leonard?"

"Actually, I can't make it either," said Leonard, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "I have to attend a...symposium...where Farmenfarmian will be speaking."

Penny closed her eyes and sighed, but Howard couldn't figure out why. He was more concerned with the fact that two guests he had been positive would actually show up weren't going to be in attendance.

"Whatever," he said dismissively, shrugging. "It's actually better that you guys aren't coming 'cause, it's more of a party for singles, so, we'll have more fun without you."

"You aren't single," Leonard pointed.

"We'll just have more fun without you!" Howard snapped.

"Excuse me," said Sheldon, getting up from his spot. "But, why wasn't I invited to this symposium? If you were invited, Leonard, then I certainly should have been, as well."

"I don't know, Sheldon," Leonard replied. "Maybe they were afraid if they invited you, you might show up."

Sheldon sat back down, mulling over what Leonard had said, while Howard fretted over his party. He'd been counting on Penny to bring in a cooler crowd than he usually had at parties; however, that plan was not working out so well.

**Hopefully that was okay; sometimes I have trouble writing Howard's thoughts, so I wasn't sure how well this chapter would turn out. Let me know.**


	6. The Coughing Deception

**Once again, I don't own anything.**

Howard frowned at the computer screen as he was once again denied access to the webpage he wanted. He'd been trying to get on for almost half an hour, but with no luck.

"Alright," he sighed, flexing his fingers. "Let's try...Cornhuskers." He quickly typed in the possible password and groaned when it when didn't work.

"Howard?"

"What's up, Sheldon?" he asked, taking a sip from his coffee mug.

"What-you-what are you doing our apartment?" Sheldon exclaimed, rushing up to where Howard was sitting. "Using my laptop, sitting at my desk, drinking from my mug-what are you doing here?"

"Hacking Penny's Facebook account," Howard replied simply. Truthfully, he could have done it at his own house, but he'd come over here in case he needed to enlist Sheldon's help in figuring out Penny's password.

"Why?" Sheldon asked, snatching away his mug and taking it to the sink to rinse it out and disinfect it.

"So, I can invite all of her friends to the awesome party I'm having."

Sheldon turned and raised an eyebrow at him. "You're displaying rather psychotic behaviour here, Howard, perhaps we should have you tested."

"Sheldon, if you tested negative for that test, then there's no way I'm crazy. Damn it!" Howard, hit the arm rest of his chair with his fist. "I can't figure out her password!" At this rate, only Sheldon, Raj, and Bernadette were going to show up to his party, and it wasn't even for certain with Raj, who was still mad from the other day.

"What have you tried so far?" Sheldon asked, returning to Howard's side.

"Uh, Nebraska, Omaha, Leonard, Cornhuskers, Cheesecake, Penny." That last one had been a desperate last attempt.

"Hmm," Sheldon nodded, staring at the computer screen intently. "What are some important moments in her life? If we can trace these moments back to the exact date, then we'll have a plethora of new passwords to try out."

Howard stared at Sheldon incredulously for a moment before shaking his head. He was desperate, but not that desperate. "Yeah, not happening, Moonpie."

Nobody calls me Moonpie, but Meemaw!" the theoretical physicist protested, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, yeah-hey! Moonpie!" Howard began excitedly typing the name into the computer, pumping his fist when it worked. Sheldon glared daggers at the computer screen. The whackadoodle had come in handy.

"If that woman ever meets Meemaw, then she'll been in for quite an earful," Sheldon scowled, marching over to his spot and sitting down.

Howard ignored him as he continued to vow vengeance against his neighbour and busied himself with inviting all of Penny's Facebook friends. This was turning into a very productive morning.

Leonard shut the door behind him and then hurried across the hall over to 4B. He knocked on the door, buzzing with anticipation. Soon after making the hotel reservations, he'd realized that this was his and Penny's first night away together. Except for the ruined Switzerland trip, they hadn't really ever discussed going away somewhere. Needless to say, he wanted this mini-vacation to be perfect.

"Ready to go?" he asked, when Penny answered the door. She nodded, a smile threatening to take over her face. Leonard grinned back and then grabbed her hand, leading her into the hallway. He promptly shoved her back into the apartment and then shut the door as Sheldon exited 4A.

"Leonard?" Sheldon asked, confused, when he saw his roommate across the hall. "I thought you were heading out to attend that symposium."

"Yep," Leonard affirmed, not making eye contact.

"Then why are you over at Penny's?"

"I went over to say bye before I left."

"But, you said she left for her audition half an hour ago because it was out of town," Sheldon reminded him, frowning and wondering if there was a plot afoot.

Leonard stared at his roommate for a moment, searching for a way to respond. He decided to go with the dumb guy response. "Oh, right!" he slapped his forehead, chuckling. "I completely forgot that she wasn't there! Well, that saves time! Thanks for reminding me, buddy!"

Sheldon raised an eyebrow at Leonard and then shook his head dismissively. "Well, now that that's sorted out, I need you to drive me to the clinic on your way to the symposium."

"Why do you need to go to the clinic?"

"I'm going to receive a flu shot, as well as a Hepatitis B vaccine." When Leonard stared at him incredulously, he continued defensively, "If I'm going to attend Wolowitz's party tonight, then I want to be prepared for whatever germs and bacteria all the other guests will be bringing with them."

"Hepatitis B?" Leonard asked, shaking his hand in annoyance.

Sheldon nodded seriously. "It's a very dangerous strand of the illness. In fact, it is now a requirement that all high school students are vaccinated for it."

Leonard rolled his eyes and sighed. "Well, I can't drive you."

"Why not?"

Stuck again. At this rate, his and Penny's perfect mini-vacation wasn't even going to get started. "I can't drive you...because...I have to...feed-water Penny's plants!"

"Penny doesn't have plants."

"Yes, she does. On the balcony, they're on the balcony. You have a fear of balconies, so you've never been on hers, and, therefore, never seen them."

Sheldon frowned and then shrugged. "Alright, well, I can wait. After you finish watering her plants, we'll go."

Leonard cursed inwardly, struggling to find another excuse. Admittedly, his last two had not been very good, so this one had to count.

"Okay, let's go," he agreed, walking back across the hall. Suddenly, the experimental physicist began coughing uncontrollable, each cough aimed in Sheldon's general direction.

The theoretical physicist leapt back in alarm, covering his mouth with his arm. "Are you ill?"

"No, no," Leonard coughed. "I'm fine. I just have a sore throat, and I'm kinda dizzy. Oh, and my head feels like the inside of a volcano, but, I'm good. Let's go drive!"

Sheldon shrank back as his roommate started coughing even harder. "On second thought, I'll take the bus."

"Don't be silly, Sheldon, I can drive you. Just make sure I don't pass out at the wheel and everything will be fine," Leonard protested, barely audible.

Sheldon didn't respond, but merely raced down the stairs, keeping his mouth covered the entire time. Leonard waited until his roommate had disappeared and then smiled to himself. "That was fun."

"Is he gone?" Penny asked, sticking her head out the door and looking around.

"Yep," Leonard nodded, grinning. She walked up to him and pulled him down the stairs, the smile back on her face.

"Nice coughing fit, by the way," she added, touching his chin with her index finger as the rounded the corner.

Leonard laughed and squeezed her hand. Crisis averted. Perfect mini-vacation back on.


	7. The Bathtub Indeterminacy

**Sorry for the long wait between chapters. I've had a lot of homework these past few weeks. There was going to be more to this chapter, but I thought it might end up being too long, so it'll be part of the next chapter, which may be posted tonight. I'm not sure. Thanks to all who reviewed, and I don't own anything.**

Howard smiled to himself as he surveyed the house. At least fifty people had shown up-not including Raj, Sheldon, and Bernadette-and had immediately pumped up the music and gotten things started. It was a pretty terrific success for his first official party-not including the ones where he'd gone to play laser tag with his friends-and the best part was: his mother was nowhere in sight.

"Howard?" Bernadette asked, making her way through the throng of people. She made a face as one guy with a neck tattoo took his shirt off and started cheering for no apparent reason.

"Hey!" Howard planted a kiss on her cheek and smiled. "Pretty great turn out, huh?"

Bernadette gave a small nod, looking rather uncomfortable. "Uh...who are all these people?"

"Er...just some people I know," he replied, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I've been talking to these people and none of them seem to know who you are."

"Oh," said Howard, shuffling his feet. "Well...ya know, alcohol and all that can make a person forget minor details. Plus, Wolowitz is a hard name to remember," he added, hoping to move away from the subject his girlfriend had chosen. "Back in high school kids had dozens of variations of my last name...granted, most of them were rather insulting...but still!"

The waitress raised an eyebrow at him and Howard frowned. He couldn't see why she couldn't just enjoy the party. He went to parties where no one knew him all the time, and that never stopped him from having fun! Luckily, Sheldon came to his rescue.

"This is a nightmare, an absolute nightmare," the theoretical physicist fretted, keeping his arms crossed over his chest to avoid touching other people.

"Having a good time, are we?" Howard asked sarcastically.

"No, not at all. As I just told you, this is a nightmare, an absolute nightmare!" Sheldon shrank back as a man with a nose ring sneezed.

"Just try to relax, Sheldon," Bernadette suggested gently. "You might end up having a good time."

"Relax?" he asked incredulously, his left eye beginning to twitch. "How can I relax when I'm in a house full of strange people I don't know, who's bodies could be the hosts of various contagious diseases?"

"Why are you worried about diseases? I thought you said you got vaccinated for a bunch of them." Howard frowned at the whackadoodle. While he'd provided a needed distraction, his annoying personal habits were always trying.

"You are correct; however, I was informed that there are two doses of the Hepatitis B vaccine and they must be taken several months apart. I now have to wait six months before being completely protected against the illness."

"Hey, party people, what's going on?" Raj asked, coming over with a beer in one hand and thumping Sheldon on the arm. This produced a whimpering noise from the theoretical physicist, and Howard assumed that this was the arm he'd received his shot in.

"Well, I'm glad one of us is having fun," said Howard, slightly annoyed that Sheldon and Bernadette were putting a damper on the party.

"Yeah, I'm having a great time!" Raj crowed, taking a swig of beer. "I met some very nice people upstairs."

"Upstairs? What were you doing upstairs?" _Oh dear God, please don't let them be going through my mother's closet._

"Dude, it's totally happenin' upstairs! Right now, some weird tattoo guys are trying to see how many people they can fit in your bathtub!"

Howard's jaw dropped. "Why?"

"Because I told them to," Raj giggled mischievously. "What? I'm still kinda mad at you," he said defensively when Howard glared at him. "Anyways, they were up to five people last time I checked, so I'm headin' back up! Whoo!"

Raj ran off, laughing when he spilled some of his drink.

"Wow, only five," Howard chuckled, trying to ease the tension when his girlfriend gave him a look. "My mother uses that tub, so if they can't fit at least seven in there, then they aren't trying hard enough."

"Howard, I think this party's getting a little out of control," Bernadette observed worriedly.

"Nah, it's fine," he reassured her. Bernadette pointed toward the dining room where expensive china was being smashed. Howard sucked in breath. "Oooh, that's bad."


	8. The Do Not Disturb Violation

**Okay, here's the next one. Hope you all enjoy it. Once again, I don't own anything.**

Penny followed Leonard down the hall of the hotel, filled to the brim with excitement. She couldn't believe they were finally getting some time alone. No work commitments, no Sheldon, Howard, or Raj, and no Amy... There'd been a rather awkward encounter when she and Leonard hadn't realized that Amy Farrah Fowler could see them via web cam whilst making out.

"I just realized something," Leonard said upon reaching their room. "This is our first night away together. You know, since Switzerland didn't work out."

"Oh, yeah! It is!" Penny grinned, her happiness level rising substantially.

Leonard unlocked the door and the two stepped inside. Penny's jaw dropped when the room came into view. Champagne and roses covered the chest of drawers, and small chocolates were on the bedside table.

Penny turned to stare at her boyfriend incredulously. "You did all this?"

Leonard shuffled his feet nervously and shrugged. "Well, yeah...I figured tonight should be special."

Penny continued to stare at him, unable to express how happy he was making her. She remembered that Kurt's idea of romantic had been saying some very dirty lines that he'd no doubt used on other girls plenty of times before. Taking another look around the room she sighed contentedly, her heart pounding in her chest. Only Leonard would do something like this.

"It's not too much, is it?" he asked, sounding anxious. "I mean-mmmm."

Penny interrupted him, covering his mouth with hers. He was being far too adorable to not be kissed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and his slid around her waist. Penny felt herself relax as the kissing deepened. It was weird, knowing that they couldn't be interrupted...unless.

"Hang on a sec," she said, pulling back and heading for the door. She quickly fastened the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the outside of the door and then smiled, satisfied. Penny returned to Leonard's waiting arms and began kissing him again, running her hands through his hair. Leonard hastily removed his jacket and then the two made their way to the bed, getting under the covers.

They kissed for a few more minutes before Penny pulled back again. "I love you," she said, smiling at him affectionately.

"I love you, too," he said, touching her cheek with his hand. He leaned in and kissed her again, starting what would have been an amazing night had they not been interrupted by a loud voice coming from the room next door.

"Because it doesn't make sense to me! Why should I have to pay for this movie if I didn't like it?"

They had been able to avoid everyone except Mrs. Wolowitz.


	9. The Chaos Continuation

**I still don't own anything.**

Penny lay completely still on her back, afraid to move or make any noise. She had a haunting suspicion that the slightest sound would be heard by Howard's mother next door and set her off. She couldn't believe that, out of all the hotels in Pasadena, Mrs. Wolowitz had chosen this one. And, out of all the rooms in this hotel, they'd ended up with a room right next door to each other!

Beside her, Leonard had completely tensed up, looking as though he expected an explosion to occur at any moment. He finally summoned the courage to open his mouth to say something, but he quickly clamped it shut when another outburst from Howard's mother was heard.

"What do you mean, I can't use a coupon to pay for it?"

"What are we going to do?" Leonard whispered, when Mrs. Wolowitz had finished yelling at whatever poor hotel employee was at her door.

"We could try ignoring her," Penny suggested, desperately trying to save their mini-vacation.

"And, while you're here, you can check out my shower, there's something growing in it!"

Leonard shook his head feverishly. "No. Not possible."

Penny nodded in agreement. She closed her eyes in frustration when Howard's mother began speaking again, causing further discomfort. "Leonard?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"We have to get out of this room."

"Yep."

* * *

Sheldon's eyes darted around the room as he watched the party guests play catch with wine glasses, fearing that they would shatter and he'd be impaled by the shards of glass. Next to him, Bernadette looked just as uncomfortable. He'd decided to stay near the waitress for the remainder of the party after he'd come to the conclusion that she was the only sane person there except for him. Her failures height-wise were a tad unnerving, though.

"I'm sorry, could you please not throw tha-oh, well, see, now it's broken, which is exactly why I didn't want you throwing it-whoa, whoa, whoa! No, it's okay, we're cool man! Just put me down!"

Sheldon watched as Howard attempted to persuade his guests to stop wreaking havoc on his house. Two out of three times the engineer ended up getting lifted off the ground by a man who could pass for the hulk. Yet another reason why Howard didn't have a PhD.

"Well, that didn't work," Howard mumbled, returning to the corner where Sheldon had insisted to Bernadette that they hide.

"Are you surprised? This is your tenth try," said Sheldon. "You know, Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again-"

"I know what he said, Sheldon!" Howard snapped.

"Maybe Raj can help you," Bernadette suggested.

"I don't see how; he appears to be leading this game of hazardous catch," the theoretical physicist observed.

"What?" Howard looked around wildly until he saw Raj opening up more cabinets of china plates. "Raj?"

"Yeah?" The astrophysicist looked up, gasping and dropping the plates he had in his hands when he saw who had called him.

"Son of a bitch," Howard grumbled as he marched over to his friend and dragged him back to the corner. "What are you doing?"

"Well, I was still mad at you, so I thought this might make me feel better...I'm also very drunk, which is probably a large contributing factor..."

Wolowitz rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Will you please just call off your game?"

Raj shook his head. "I don't think I can. You see, these people are very open to very dangerous suggestions, but they seem to have a strong dislike for practical ones."

Howard groaned in frustration, wincing when the sound of glass shattered filled the room.

Sheldon sighed. "I wish Leonard and Penny were here."

"Why?" Bernadette asked.

"Because then one of them could drive me home and get me as far away from this hellhole as possible." They'd probably also put on one of his favourite movies, but he decided not to voice that longing.

"I could drive you home," the waitress offered.

"Thank you for the offer, however, I wouldn't be comfortable driving with someone of your height." Sheldon shuddered as he imagined Howard's girlfriend attempting to drive, her head barely visible behind the wheel.

Bernadette frowned slightly and then turned to Howard. "So, what's the plan?"

The engineer shrugged. "Pray we don't get hit by anything?"

"My thoughts exactly," Sheldon agreed.

**Sorry the Leonard and Penny portion of it was so short; there'll be more about them next chapter.**


	10. The Cold Reparation

**Here's the next chapter. I had intended to include part of Howard's story in this one, but this chapter sort of went off on an unexpected tangent, so I figured I'd just make this one separate chapter and save Howard's stuff for the next one. Once again, I don't own anything.**

Penny mindlessly drummed her fingers on the shiny wooden table she was sitting at a few feet away from the hotel bar. She was rather irritated. They hadn't been able to get another room, and had almost been thrown out when they persisted in asking. She and Leonard had gone to sit at the bar, and just when Penny had been looking on the positive side of things and realized that she and Leonard were still getting time alone together, the experimental physicist had told her he'd be right back and hurried off somewhere. It had now been twenty minutes and he still wasn't back.

Penny did another sweep of the area, grimacing when she noticed the bar tender winking at her _again_, and let out a frustrated sigh when there was still no sign of Leonard.

_Where the hell did he go?_ she wondered, crossing her arms across the table and resting her chin atop them.

She wasn't worried that he'd abandoned her or anything stupid like that-after all, he wasn't anything like Kurt-she was more so curious about what her boyfriend was up to. He usually had something planned when he went off somewhere and didn't tell her what he was doing. She remembered he'd done so once before when she'd been sick in bed with a cold.

Penny had felt awful that day, and had started feeling progressively worse since Leonard had left an hour ago without telling her where he was going. Plus, she had just finished off her glass of orange juice and her sore throat still craved more, but she felt too tired to get out of bed.

Despite her exhaustion, Penny found herself unable to fall asleep, feeling totally uncomfortable in her own bed. No matter what she did she couldn't seem to get warm, even though she had her robe on under the blankets, and she once again yearned for her boyfriend, so he could help her out with the heat situation.

"Hey, how's my Lovebug doing?" Leonard asked when he finally returned.

"Horribly," she mumbled, her voice barely audible.

"Well, I brought you something," he said, revealing a glass of orange juice behind his back.

Penny sat up and took it from him and gulped it down, relieved. Leonard sat next to her on the edge of the bed and waited for her to finish drinking before he placed the juice on the bedside table.

"Where did you go?" she asked him, sinking back down into her pile of pillows.

"I went to get you something," Leonard explained.

"It took you an hour to get me a glass of orange juice?" Penny asked, frowning in confusion.

Leonard grinned and shook his head. "I'm not that helpless in the kitchen," he chuckled as he reached behind him and pulled a small, plastic bag up from the floor. Penny was surprised she hadn't seen him bring it in; she blamed her cold for her lack of observance.

Leonard removed the plastic bag to reveal Sex and the City 2. Penny felt herself crack a smile for the first time that day.

"Really? You got that for me?"

"I was going to save it for Christmas, but I figured you needed it now," he explained, taking the DVD out of the case and setting it up.

"So, you're really going to watch it with me?" she asked as Leonard settled himself on the bed next to her.

"Of course," he said, wrapping his arms around her when she rested her head on his shoulder.

"But you hate Sex and the City."

"That didn't stop you from making me watch all six seasons," he pointed out, kissing her forehead when she grinned at him.

She'd fallen asleep about five minutes into the movie, however, Penny couldn't remember ever feeling so happy and comfortable when she was sick.

Penny let out a long sigh and looked around for her boyfriend again, but in vain. Hopefully, this was one of those times where Leonard had something planned.

** Review, review, review...please! :D**


	11. The Party Resolution

**Okay, here's the next chapter. Sorry for the long wait between updates. There'll probably be two more chapters after this and then the fic will be done. Hope you've all enjoyed it so far. **

** I still own nothing.**

"I still think that my suggestion is the most practical thus far," Sheldon stated, crossing his arms.

Howard rolled his eyes at the theoretical physicist. The four friends had huddled in a corner and were now discussing how to rid the house of party guests. Sheldon thought it would be best for the four of them to simply leave the house and check in the morning to see if everyone else had vacated the premise, but...well, actually, his idea really was the only good one so far. However, Howard needed to resolve the party issue tonight before his mother returned or he'd certainly be grounded.

"Howard, can't you just tell them to leave?" Bernadette asked, glancing at the guests uncertainly.

Howard shook his head. "They won't listen to me."

"Why? I thought they were your friends."

"They're not his friends," said Sheldon. "They're Penny's."

Howard grimaced. _Oh, God, here we go._

Bernadette raised an eyebrow at the theoretical physicist. "Why would Penny's friends be here?"

The engineer focused his gaze on a small speck on the ceiling, not daring to so much as glance at his girlfriend as Sheldon explained the Facebook hacking situation.

"Howard!" Bernadette groaned after Sheldon had finished speaking. "Why would you do that?"

"I just wanted a good turn out," he said, holding his hands up defensively. "Plus, I didn't think Penny's friends would be _this_ crazy."

"Most of them probably aren't her friends," the waitress explained. "Cheryl definitely would've told Sarah, who would've invited Neil, and then Kim would've brought Sandy, and he would've invited Patrick-and Patrick knows everybody, so, that pretty much covers every other guest here."

The three geniuses stared blankly at the waitress. Even Sheldon, who supposedly had a working knowledge of everything in the universe, looked a tad confused.

"Okay, great," said Howard, clapping his hands together. "Now that we know where everyone came from let's get back to getting them the hell out here!" His voice sounded slightly high pitched due to the growing stress that was filling him. The engineer was really starting to hate parties. Stick the birthday king crown on his head and throw him into a laser tag arena because he was never throwing another one of these parties again.

"Well, what would make people want to leave a party?" Raj asked.

"Another party?" Bernadette suggested.

Howard placed his hands on either side of his girlfriend's face and placed a firm kiss on her lips. "You are brilliant," he said after pulling back. The waitress grinned at him and he smiled back.

"Hang on, "Sheldon interrupted, further annoying the engineer. "This plan lacks logic, as we have no other party to send these people to."

"Who cares? They don't know that," said Howard. "Just tell them there's another party somewhere and then send them on their merry way!"

"You want me to lie to these people?" the theoretical physicist asked, appalled. "My mother did not raise-"

"Do it sarcastically, Sheldon," Bernadette suggested.

Howard raised an eyebrow when Sheldon nodded to the waitress approvingly and then went off to spread news of the other party.

"Sarcastically?" he asked, confused.

"Just something Penny taught me," she explained dismissively.


	12. The Privacy Acquirement

**Once again, I own nothing. There's gonna be one more chapter this; it'll probably be pretty small, but there a still a few loose ends to tie after this chapter.**

Leonard entered the hotel bar, a broad grin on his face. He came up to the table where Penny sat and pulled up the chair next to her. The look she gave him did not mirror his cheerful expression in the slightest.

"Where the hell did you go?" Penny asked, crossing her arms and cocking her head. "It's been half an hour!" Leonard opened his mouth to speak, but Penny forged on, not finished. "I have been sitting here all by myself for the past thirty minutes with nothing to do; you didn't tell me where you were going, and the bartender keeps winking at me!" Her voice went up an octave as she listed off her last complaint.

"Aw, sweetie," he said, reaching over and rubbing her shoulder. "I'm sorry-what do you mean the bartender's been winking at you?" Leonard spun around in his seat to glare at the barkeep. "Anyways," he said, returning to face his girlfriend. "Sorry about being gone so long, but it'll be worth it. Come with me."

"Where are we going?" Penny asked, taking Leonard's hand when he offered it to her.

"You'll see," he replied, grinning at her. She couldn't help but smile back; it was hard to stay mad at Leonard.

They were just passing the bar and heading toward the exit when Leonard stopped suddenly. Penny was about to ask him what he was doing, but he cut her off by placing his lips on hers. The kiss lasted for several seconds before the experimental physicist pulled back.

"What was that for?" Penny asked as they left the bar.

Leonard shrugged. "Just wanted to make sure that that bartender knew whose girl he was winking at." Penny smirked and rolled her eyes, rubbing Leonard's shoulder.

Penny was surprised when Leonard brought her to the hotel parking lot and led her towards his car. She hadn't really had any idea what her nerdy boyfriend had planned, but now she was certain she'd never be able to guess.

Leonard unlocked the car and opened the door to the backseat. Penny's eyes widened when she looked inside the vehicle. The large, white blanket from the hotel bed had been spread across the backseat area, along with two of the pillows. Leonard's laptop was also set up, the _Star Wars: A New Hope_ disc menu lighting up the screen.

"We never did get to finished watching it," Leonard explained, giving her his dorky grin. "And if we lock the doors then no one will interrupt us, so..." he trailed off and shrugged.

Penny stared at him, a million different responses to the situation buzzing through her head. She could have told Leonard how happy he was making her, or how much she loved him for doing this. Instead she smiled, raising an eyebrow at him, and asked, "You brought _Star Wars_?"

The experimental physicist chuckled. "I always bring _Star Wars _on trips."

The two climbed into either side of the car and snuggled up to each other under the blankets.

"Are you allowed to take these out of the hotel?" Penny asked, gesturing towards the pillows and blankets as she rested her head against Leonard's shoulder.

"I guess I could bring them back," said Leonard, letting out an exaggerated sigh.

Penny shook her head at him and then reached over to play the movie. A moment later she reached into Leonard's pocket, pulled out his car keys and quickly locked the car, even though she was certain that there wouldn't be anymore interruptions.


	13. The Party Definition

**Alright, here's the final chapter. Sorry it's short, but I needed to wrap up Howard's story completely. Anyways, hope you enjoyed the fic, and thanks to all who reviewed!**

Howard collapsed onto the couch and let out a loud sigh. He'd finally finished cleaning the house, ridding it of all stains, messes, and broken glass. He had even glued most of his mother's dishes back together; those that were impossible -even for a man with a Master's degree- to fix had been thrown out, and the cupboards had been reorganized so their disappearance wouldn't be noticed.

The engineer had accomplished all of this before his mother had gotten home and it had only taken him... Howard sat up and glanced up at the wall where the clock was hanging. It was 8:30 a.m. So, it had taken him all night; at least he'd gotten it done.

Now, he had finally earned himself a break-hell, he'd earned himself fifteen breaks for all the work he'd done.

Just as Howard was closing his eyes, the front door opened and his mother walked in. Peace was hard to come by these days.

The engineer mindlessly answered all of his mother's questions, assuring her that he'd remembered to lock the doors and windows before he'd gone to bed and to unplug anything that might have caught fire during the night. All of these were lies, of course, but it was best not to worry the elderly.

Eventually, his mother retreated upstairs and Howard breathed a sigh of relief. He'd actually gotten away with it. His first big party and nothing bad had happened. He couldn't believe his luck. Perhaps he'd judged too quickly, and throwing crazy parties wasn't so bad.

"Howard!"

The engineer grimaced as his mother's voice echoed around the house.

"What?" he called, irritated.

"Why are there five grown men sleeping in my bathtub?"

Parties sucked.


End file.
